When it’s time to move on

So you’ll have to forgive me, I’m a few glasses of wine in – but the best blog posts come after wine, right? I like to write a lot of lists here on the blog. I know that people like lists because I like lists. I like reading about things that drive people crazy at the gym or the office or why they love living alone or whatever it may be, I enjoy that – it’s an easy read. It’s certainly not a substantial read though. It doesn’t fill me up. It doesn’t make me think. Whether or not I have the ability to write anything that will fill people up or make them think is still up for debate, but I’ve decided that I write lists when I’m scared of writing anything else – when I’m scared of writing about what’s really going on in my life.

This blogging thing is hard, writing about how you really feel and knowing that friends and loved ones may read it, people who you’re writing about may read it – that is TERRIFYING. But here I go…

When is it time to move on from a relationship? How do you know when you’re ready? When you’re so removed emotionally from the previous relationship that you can freely and willingly give your emotions and heart and very possibly body to someone else – how do you know when you’re there?

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Justin and I broke up on a Friday. Monday would have been our 6 year anniversary.

How does someone get over that? How does someone move on? I want so badly for it to work between us. Right now, it’s not going to work. We have different desires, we have different goals and we have different things we want to experience.

I’ve come to the realization that the fact that we want different things right now doesn’t make me love him any less. I dedicated my heart and life to Justin for 6 years, and then for another 6 months after we broke up when we both wanted so desperately to make it work. But it can’t work. It can’t work right now. But how does one move on from that? From giving yourself, your whole self to someone?

You just do.

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It sucks. It hurts. It’s torture frankly. But you just do. You decide that what is best for you is not waiting around for this person who doesn’t know what they have when they have you. Who isn’t willing to put the effort forth to make this work. I tried for so long. So long. To make this work. But you can’t make a relationship work on your own, as badly as I wanted to, it takes two. I can’t make him want to be with me, I can’t make him work at our relationship no matter how wonderful I think it will be. I can’t make him love me.

I’m told constantly by friends who love me that I don’t even know what’s out there – that I need to get out there and explore what’s available. I’ve always known that I didn’t want to explore what was out there because I DID know what I wanted, but maybe I was wrong. Justin and I spent the first 6 months of being “broken up” working on us – funny how that happens. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that… But really, we tried. We’re just not there. We made the decision to break up on March 7th. It’s October 16th and I’m finally getting past the denial. Do I want to be with Justin? Am I broken hearted and crushed? Of course I do and of course I am. But being broken hearted and holding out for Justin – that’s not doing me any good anymore.

As broken hearted as I feel, I’m finally to the point of realizing and accepting that maybe there is someone out there who can heal these wounds.

I moved out of the apartment we shared 6 months ago – I know I can live without Justin. It’s a matter of believing that someone else can make me happy. I know there is someone who can. So here I am, putting it out there and making an effort to find someone new. Being broken hearted and lonely isn’t something I want to partake in for the rest of my life.

So here’s to me. Here’s to doing things on my own and with my friends. Here’s to moving on with my life even when staying is the easy and comfortable thing to do. I deserve more than easy and comfortable and I’m going to go find it.

Stop the Glorification of Busy!

I just read this article that my favorite coworker sent me. The article is titled “Please stop talking about how busy you are.” But seriously – please stop.

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I don’t know what it is about the sudden (or maybe it’s not sudden but I’m only realizing it since graduating and getting some big-girl jobs?) glorification of busy. There are several articles titled exactly the same or similar to the title of this blog post – STOP THE GLORIFICATION. In this specific article Ted Bauer says this:

“Let’s say you are a person with a 75-hour/week job. There’s 168 total and you probably sleep for 7 x 7 = 49, so after we take away the sleeping and the working, we still have 44 hours. Now let’s say you have three kids and most of those 44 are spent with activities or preparing meals or trips to the zoo or what have you; let’s say that takes up 35.

You still have nine hours, somewhere, that can go to yourself. How about three trips to the gym and a couple of Netflix movies with your significant other? That’s doable, no? The point is, the time is there; in a given week, there are 168 hours.”

He goes on to say, as if it’s not obvious enough, you have time. You have the choice to spend your time however you please. And for many of us, we don’t have 3 kids that are occupying all of our time. Some of us don’t even have a significant other that requires 10+ hours of our time a week. Let me do my math for you – 40 hours of work a week, 5 hours a week at the gym, 10 hours a week driving to and from activities. 8 hours of sleep x 7 nights a week. Now, I’m not including any dinners I do with friends or any travel I do for work on a semi-regular basis – but that leaves me FIFTY SEVEN hours a week. 57 hours a WEEK to do whatever I damn well please.

So what’s with the “I’m so busy”, “I can never complete all the tasks set before me at work”, “I don’t have time to get a drink”. I mean come on, even if I worked 50 hours a week, or 60 hours a week I’d still have upwards of 20 additional free hours.

Here’s what I think – I think our society has bred inefficiency. This may seem harsh, but I have worked with people who are almost all 10+ years older than me at every job I’ve had post college. I’m not saying there is ANYTHING wrong with being in your late 30s or older, I’m simply saying I’ve noticed a few things… The majority of these coworkers are not efficient. They spend 2 hours on something that would take me 45 minutes. They worry about things and spend hours trying to solve problems that are not critical and do not need to be addressed. They’re inefficient.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not cruel, I adore most of my coworkers and I think they all do very, very good work. And I’m certainly not perfect, there are tasks that take me longer than they would take someone else in my office. But I pick and choose what to spend my time on. My core job takes me maybe 20 hours a week, that leaves me with an additional 20 hours a week to twiddle my thumbs – OR – what a concept, prepare things that will need to be completed in the future, cutting time off those tasks moving forward.

this is getting very long – sorry for my rant.

I think that people have this idea in their mind that busy is a good thing. That busy means they’re earning their paycheck and working hard. I work hard, I work very hard, for 20 hours a week. I have never been accused of having a poor work ethic, or of not completing my tasks. Quite the opposite, I’ve been praised for going above and beyond on many occasions. But it takes prioritizing, time management and efficiency. If there is a faster way to do something, FIND IT. I have coworkers who spend hours manipulating excel sheets that I could do in minutes with formulas. I realize that there is a learning curve to many programs that could enhance your efficiency, but doesn’t it make sense to invest the time upfront so you can reap the benefits at a later time?

I just don’t get it. Why does everyone want to be busy? I want to be busy in my social life, but you would never say I’M SO BUSY when talking about things you enjoy, or want to be doing. So why, why does our society think that it’s a good thing to be sooooo busy when it comes to our work? So busy that we’re losing precious time in our life outside of work.

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