Apparently when you go through something difficult it’s good to have a creative outlet – who knew? Well, a very wise friend of mine knew and felt the need to point it out to me last night while we were sitting in my new kitchen on my new bar stools and I was consuming copious amounts of wine. I really think “consuming copious amounts of wine” should count as a creative outlet, for the record.
So, here I am back at my fancy iPad keyboard hoping that some sort of creative juices will start flowing through my body rather than the bitter, irrational, sad and angry juices that have been flowing through these veins recently. I’ve also felt humbled, loved and loathed, despondent and also optimistic. Why am I bitter and angry and brokenhearted and also optimistic and loved? Because those are some of the feelings one has when a 6 year relationship ends. I have felt so much love from my close family and friends while I’ve felt such distance and indifference from the person I spent the last 6 years dedicating myself to.
I feel like this is normal. I *desperately* hope this is normal. Maybe someone can reassure me that this is all part of the healing process, and that said healing process will be complete in approximately 26 days. Yea, 26 is a number I can handle. Reassurance anyone? Anyone?
Here I am having no trouble rambling on and on about all my feels, and I didn’t even need any wine to get started. However, thinking about it, I could use a glass now.
While going through all of these feels I’ve also been CRAZY busy. Which is good, right? Doesn’t one want to be busy when they’re mind and heart is totally occupied by not-so-pleasant things?
In the last week and a half, as in 9 days, I have moved out of Justin and I’s apartment and into my own apartment. This has been something else, let me tell you! I’ve never lived alone, I’ve never paid all my bills on my own, this is a little freeing, a little empowering and completely terrifying. Not to mention, I didn’t have any living room furniture. Thanks to my amazing parents and siblings for pitching in to buy me a couch and bar stools. I seriously would not be coping so “well” without their help.
On top of moving on Sunday, I flew to Vegas for work on Tuesday. This was a much needed trip, see picture above for my night “out” in Vegas outfit. As in, I left the hotel and went to visit my grandpa who lives in Henderson. But damn did I look good (I think – OOTD anyone? Oh that’s right, I’m NOT a fashion blogger for a reason). I digress. I got to lay in the sun a bit, host a seminar, eat amazing food and then turn around and come home Wednesday evening. It was just enough time for a bit of a reset.
I’m not going to go into a ton of details on the rest of my week because it was just busy and boring. Running, putting together amazing new bar stools, hanging out with friends, running, going to Ikea, building a fence with my little brother – you know, typical Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
Then Monday came and with Monday and Tuesday came 8 hours of Excel training each day – and how much of a nerd am I – it was freaking awesome! Tomorrow I’m off on another business trip so I suppose I should sign off and pack or something like that…
I sincerely hope none of you are going through what I am going through right now. But if you are, I hope you have people in your life at least half as amazing as the people I have in my life that are supporting, loving and frankly taking care of me when I can’t manage to take care of myself some evenings.